20 Joke of the Day Part 3

Categories: Jok of the Day

41. What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a unicycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle?

Attire.

42. What did the Buddhist ask the hot dog vendor?

“Make me one with everything.”

43. You know why you never see elephants hiding up in trees?

Because they’re really good at it.

44. A horse walks into a bar.

The bartender says, “Why the long face?”

45. How did the hipster burn his mouth?

He ate his pizza before it was cool.

46. What do you get when you cross a dyslexic, an insomniac, and an agnostic?

Someone who lays awake at night wondering if there’s a dog.

47. As a scarecrow, people say I’m outstanding in my field.

But hay, it’s in my jeans.

48. Why don’t blind people skydive?

Because it scares their dogs.

49. What’s the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?

The taste, mostly.

50. I stayed up all night and tried to figure out where the sun was.

51. I told my friend ten jokes to make him laugh.

Sadly, no pun in ten did.

52. I couldn’t believe the highway department called my dad a thief.

But when I got home, the signs were all there.

53.Why did the cowboy get a wiener dog?

He wanted to get a long little doggie.

54. Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?

Of course! The Empire State Building can’t jump.

55. What did the duck say when it bought some lipstick?

“Put it on my bill.”

56. George Clooney, Leonardo DiCaprio, and Matthew McConaughey get together to make a movie.

Clooney says, “I’ll direct.”

DiCaprio says, “I’ll act.”

McConaughey says, “I’ll write, I’ll write, I’ll write.”

57. A horse walks into a bar.

The bartender says, “Hey!”

The horse replies, “Sure.”

58. I googled “Rorshach test.”

But for some reason, all that came up were pictures of my parents fighting.

59. What do we want?

Low-flying airplane noises!

When do we want them?

Nnnnneeeeeeeeeeoooooooooow!

60. I tried to win a suntanning competition.

But all I got was bronze.